So for the past few days I’ve been feeling like a total
failure. I have to keep constantly reminding myself that I have 19 more months
to go and I’ll figure it out soon and things will all fall into place. I feel
like the hardest thing about Peace Corps is turning the visions we have for our
communities into realities. Your community comes to you with a problem. You
think of a solution. Then you need to figure out how to make it into a reality.
Find the money. Find the time. Find the people who will carry it on after you
leave. It’s all very daunting.
And sometimes I feel like I haven’t intergrated well. That I
haven’t made an impact on my community and I’ll just be like another volunteer
who’s come and went. Which in most regards is a normal thing. I think of peace
corps volunteers like a random breeze on a sail. No one notices them, but they
turn the ship to a different, better direction and then they are gone. And
there is no record of them there. But a big part of peace corps is making
connections with host country nationals so that they trust you and will go with
you with these crazy ideas you have. And I’ve been worried that everythings moving
so slowly partly because I’ve been super crappy at integrating. Which I’m not
sure I’ve actually been bad at integrating….I could just be over thinking like
I’m wont to do.
Anyway….I’m telling you all of these because of an experience
I had just now walking to the market. My path to the market takes me through my
neighbor’s backyard, past her pit latrine, through a field, through another
backyard, through a football pitch, down the road, and then across the street.
So I get to see a fair amount of my community when I go through. This time, as
I went through the first back yard, one neighbor called out to me, “May I
escort you?” Of course I said yes, and I was delighted to walk with someone
new. We walked through the field and into the first backyard. As usual, around
a dozen children came out of the wood work shrieking “Nagudi! How are you?!”
They grabbed my hands and welcomed me through their yard and escorted us
through the football field. Totally normal walk to the market. They shout “Nagudi”
because I was annoyed at being called Muzungu in my own neighborhood, so I
introduced myself to them. Nagudi is my African name. Anyway, the woman that I
was walking with turned to me and said “The children like you. You know all of
them. You are a good person with a good heart. You have good manners. You are
good to the children and the adults that you meet. You have a good heart.” It
was like the universe knew I needed a confidence boost today. It felt great! And
about two seconds later, you know, just so I don’t get too cocky, the woman
says to me, “ Ah Nagudi, but what are you eating? You are becoming fat!” Fat is
actually a good thing here. And for the record, I’ve lost 18 lbs since I’ve
been here. BOOM!
It is amazing that sometimes you get the encouragement you need right when you need it.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and gracious to all those around you! I know it's so frustrating to feel like you're not making an impact in your work, but youve already made an impact in the lives of those children, the ones you walk with, the babies you're helping in the home. Small impact is still impact.
You rock!
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ReplyDeleteYOU rock! Sorry sorry I just saw this now now. Thanks so much Christy! I'm so excited that you're coming out here and so happy to be serving with you :) xoxo
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